No surprise, a good bit of my time is spent reviewing medical records.  As with other professional niches, (and lawyers are not spared from this syndrome) doctor-speak sometimes does not translate well into the real world.  I find the same phenomenon when reviewing traffic collision reports – cop speak sounds funny as well. I remember one police report in particular where the officer wrote that the involved party had exposed his person. That made me giggle. Here too are some highlights from recent doctor’s reports that I found amusing:

1. “Lateral bending to the right causes patient pain on the left side and also pain with prolonged sitting causes her pain and the need to pop the anterior chest.” [Sounds like a bad hip-hop song: Pop, pop, that chest girl!]

2. “Patient comes in for follow-up.  Patient has transitioned from land therapy to pool therapy. [sounds like she’s making some sort of strange evolutionary digression.] I will follow her for one month for further disposition. [wait, he’s going to follow her into the pool for a month? That seems to be above and beyond the Hippocratic oath.]